Thursday, October 15, 2009

Thank God for Book Burnings! Bring Marshmallows.

Oh, North Carolina, how you save me from writer's block.

Well, it's back, folks! That's right, a good old fashioned book-burning. Can't you just smell it? Come on down! Bring your Harry Potter (because it includes satanic magic) and your Golden Compass (because it's anti-Christ). Go out and find a copy of The Origin of Species, since I know good Christians like you wouldn't own a copy (after all, it contradicts the Bible and forwards scientific thinking). Bring your Qur'an and your Bhagavad Gita and, last but certainly not least, all of your Bibles that aren't the King James Version!

The Amazing Grace Baptist Church in North Carolina is making me all warm and tingly inside with the feeling of nostalgia.

Okay, sarcasm over.

This is really happening. These deluded people are actually going to burn books to celebrate Halloween.

Not only are they going the classic route with burning fantasy books and books by atheist authors and The Origin of Species, which is an absolute must to bring to your next church-sanctioned book-burning, but they are burning Bibles.

This church is burning all Bibles that aren't the King James Bible, which, naturally, is the only true word of God.

I wonder if these people know the story behind the King James Bible. In 1603, King James VI, son of Mary, Queen of Scots, came to power. He was viewed to be very liberal, as he strongly disliked the Geneva Bible's use of the word 'tyrant' as a synonym for 'king'.

The Puritans literally met him halfway on his trip to take the throne so that they could ask him to make some changes, including having no rings exchanged at weddings and no kneeling before Christ. After meeting with a Puritan and Protestant representative, the King James Version was born, basically because James was tired of hearing people complain.

From the KJB comes some of the most famous phrases, like “Eye for an eye”, “Ye of little faith”, and “Wolf in sheep's clothing”.

There is nothing better about this version of the Bible, trust me. I have marked up copies of the KJB and a cheap version I was handed by a Gideon on Yom Kippur (Oh, the irony). Both have the same faults. Both of beautiful lines. Both fail in many ways.

But think about it! These followers of Christ are burning books that attempt to turn people to his (intentionally not capitalized) path. With the amount of internal wars these people fight, its no wonder they can't land a punch in the battle with atheists.

I'm sure this is exactly what their God wanted. He created us in his image, gave us the ability to create beauty, just so his followers would have well-decorated kindling.

A book-burning in America.

Ray Bradbury, cover your ears.

I just hope Hitler doesn't notice. He might let out a little cheer, where that bastard is buried.

Just to make it better, I hear that they are actually having a Barbecue afterwards. All I can hope is that they cook the chicken over the embers of free-speech, or at least bring some marshmallows.

Monday, October 12, 2009

An Indication That People Suck

I have proof. Now, not all people are bad, not all people are evil, stupid, ignorant, bigoted, and self-centered, but I have proof that there are a lot of them.

This story I am about to retell is not terribly new, but I was just reminded of it and felt compelled to prove that people are evil in many ways.

There is a video game out there known as World of Warcraft. World of Warcraft is described as a "Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game". It involved a lot of people from around the world playing together and to achieve common goals. Often, people realize that they like playing together, and they will form "guilds", which often consist of hundreds of people that can become friends.

One of these guilds had a member who fell terminally ill, and died. The members of his guild were all very close and were friends and grieved the loss of life in general, and the loss of their friend specifically. All his online-friends decided to have something similar to a memorial for him in the only way that they all could: online, in World of Warcraft.

Is this idea odd sounding at first? Yes. But it is a genuine attempt to honor the memory of a friend and show him respect. There are good people out there.

But, that would have been too easy.

Apparently, news of this event spread through World of Warcraft, and an opposing guild got wind of it.

So, while the group of friends was gathered to perform their version of a funeral, speaking with each other over an online voice-chat program so they could express their memories of their friend, the opposing guild swept in and interrupted the ceremony by killing all of their characters.

Let me quickly recap that:

  1. Friend dies
  2. Friends organize to mourn his death
  3. Other people do the digital equivalent of breaking into a funeral and defecating on the corpse
I can only hope that when these people are grandparents, if, in fact, these poor excuses for human beings should ever be fortunate enough to make it with a member of the opposite sex, and their grandchildren ask what they were like when they were younger, they look back and regret this action.

But I know they won't. I know they probably forgot about it the next week. And I'm honestly not sure which is worse: the action, or the casual nature with which I am sure it was performed.

The final detail about this story that I feel you should know is how other people have reacted to it. I first heard about this story from some one who thought it was hilarious, as have most people with whom I have discuss this event. When I question him as to what was so funny, he responded by explaining was geeky and lame the whole idea of the digital lament was.

How silly of me. I forgot that simply because you believe some one behaved in an odd way, you have the right to ruin his attempt at mourning his friend's death.